No Borders and Binaries

I am always asking everyone to share their stories because narratives are powerful, persuasive, and so that our stories don’t get lost to history.

I am guilty of never sharing my own story. And it has taken me a lot to get to this point but I don’t want this to be lost to history.

So I was asked to talk about what it was like to grow up queer in Fiji, and I can’t talk about it without sharing my ‘coming out’ story.

There’s two typical things in my story
1. I always knew I liked women
2. I fell in love with my best friend

And may I add this happened in an All-girls Catholic High School.

The year was 1998, I was around 13. I wouldn’t call it love at first sight but she was certainly the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. She entered the classroom, late, and sat down beside me.

After the initial awkwardness, we became friends. Best friends.

After a month, I confessed that I was in love with her. She was confused and started crying. And that’s how news of my sexual orientation spread like wildfire. But she returned the feelings.

Our friends found out, so did our teachers, the principals, our parents, their colleagues and other schools in the area. Everyone knew about the two lesbian lovers at ______________________.

No one was supportive.
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02 Jul, 2009

511 Miles on a Broken Toe. Lets Do It.

Posted by: Prerna In: Immigration

No graphic and grotesque images here for the time-being but long story short, I split my pinky toe yet again. I do have pictures if anyone wants to see it.

Sure it is a small stub, but it is the part of the foot that goes in the clippers when one rides a racing bike.

Needless to say, I am in pain and distraught.

I also couldn’t go to the hospital or doctor because my health insurance is quite useless. We pay $600 per month to Blue Cross, but Blue Cross only pays $50 for a $435 visit to the doctor. And I also canceled my emergency accidental health insurance last month because I could no longer afford it. Yes, it was only $18 per month, but I can’t afford that.

Bottomline: I am not a leech on public health services.

The bike ride is from August 13 to August 22. It is to raise funds for immigrant students in California colleges and universities and bring awareness to the DREAM Act. I promised Tam Tran that I will do this with her and I am not backing out. That gives me less than 1.5 months to recover and train. This is not a gimmick.

Feel free to chipin to support me and validate my efforts
http://prernalal.chipin.com

And a big thank you to everyone who is supporting me.

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So I was looking for economics papers I had written during college and just found this piece in an email to a professor.

Adam and Eve used to live happily in the Garden of Eden, with all resources in pristine and abundant condition. However, one day, Eve was tempted by Lucifer (just another “angel” who has nothing better to do and bored with the peace on Earth) to pick a fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil, and eat it.

Eve was struck with an epiphany upon eating it; she realized that since she used her labor to pick the fruit, it belonged to her and thus, became her possession and private property. The original sin by Eve established the concept of private property and the Lord could not stand such an act of defiance by a woman. Angry at the disobedience that Eve had shown to Adam, the Lord decided to punish humankind by making humans (and especially those with a darker skin tone like Eve and Adam) toil hard for their subsistence and be exploited for their labor by a ruling class. The Lord was also mad at Adam for his effeminate behavior and inability to control his woman, therefore he decided that Adam did need some punishment, and thus, Adam was re-casted as a white man, stripped of his rich African heritage.

Since Eve was the one who sinned originally, all women were thereafter meant to bear children that would be reduced to mere commodities and women would not be paid for the work they did in the households. To make women especially obedient, the Lord made sure that if women were to realize their ultimate pleasure by sleeping with other women and not (RE)producing more labor for profit, they would be barred from holding any property together and their social relations would be unrealized. Even men were disallowed from sleeping with each other; they were supposed to be competitive and aggressive, out to conquer and acquire, not love and nurture. In other words, both the oppressor and the oppressed were in fact, oppressed (and dehumanized) by the superstructure of the Lord’s creation.

But there was a way out. Redemption meant going through the different modes of production, which would seemingly create new social relations after bloody revolutions, while retaining the same old system of exploitation time and again. Redemption meant the suffering of everyone, but especially that of women and people of color the world over. Clashes would take place over time; between master and slave, lord and serf, capitalist and proletariat, and yes, between men and women (and other), straight and gay (and other), till the Lord would take pity and make the working class realize themselves as one–not gendered, sexualized or racialized–but as the oppressed fighting the oppressor who insisted on mediated relations of class, race, sex, gender etc.

In the Last Judgment, the oppressors would be given a last chance by the now politicized and ruling proletariat to repent all they had done over history. Some capitalist oppressors, who are now in a state of advanced schizophrenia, will insist falsely that Lord is on their side and tells them what to do, yet it would be futile. The seven years of trials and tribulations will take place. Human relations would once again be unmediated and everything in nature will belong to everyone, owned collectively.

And if we add Hinduism to the whole mix, the world will be destroyed in the last stage of capitalism (monopoly capitalism), so the Gods will just say “whatever” and give birth to the cosmos all over again with a specific kind of big ‘bang.’

Now who wants to take the fruit from the tree and call it their own?

Alright, I wrote this when I was 20. If I had to write this now, Eve would probably be a transsexual Steve and there would certainly be a shift from the structural meta-narrative of Marxian economics to a more post-structuralist approach to economics.

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01 Jul, 2009

I am leaving

Posted by: Prerna In: Immigration

Setting a date right now for getting out of here. Should I sign a voluntary departure or do without it?

Two years ago, I qualified for Canada and was set to leave. But then I listened to some lawyers and more tear-jerking from my useless family. The logical reasoning for staying here no longer exists.

If I have to await ‘in-line’ 8-10 more years (Re: Matter of Wang), I might as well do so somewhere where I can move forward in life.

I don’t care about the vile threats from my family. I have had enough of this imprisonment.

I know it might seem dumb for someone covered under the LIFE Act to self-deport, but this someone is a very educated person. How long am I expected to put my life on hold for the convenience of other people? And of course, no one would sponsor me for an EB-2 and legalize my status regardless of how (over)qualified I am; they will make me work without pay or put me on meager stipends.

I can’t get married to adjust my status. Don’t remind me.

These idiots in the USA can file for ‘hardship-waivers’ later if they want. I really doubt I would want to come back here.

Yes, I would probably be put in jail in Fiji. I might even be beaten and killed. But those are just risks I need to take. Freedom comes at a cost. I’ll rather be killed while I am free than die in this prison every day.

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Exploitation is not waived through consent. It is critical that undocumented labor is not exploited under the pretext that it is unlawful to compensate undocumented students for their work. Doing so serves only to perpetuate a cycle of exploitation, a practice common throughout the history of immigration in this country. America wants and needs undocumented immigrants but is unwilling to pay them for the work they do. These stories reveal the ingenuity, drive, and tenacity of undocumented immigrant youth.

Written by Tam Tran and Prerna Lal and coming soon to Non Profit Quarterly.

The ironic part is that we were not paid for this piece but lets call it our non-profit contribution.

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Help Me Raise Funds

I will be training for the 511 mile bike ride from UCLA to UC Berkeley with a broken pinky toe.

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  • No Borders and Binaries » Blog Archive » My Coming Out Story - Growing Up Gay in Fiji: [...] talk on the phone. Our parents shouted, screamed and abused us. Quite a lot of Indian people see homosexuality as an imported disease and we wer
  • Margarita: Prerna, I think you should do what feels right for you. You have put so much of yourself for this movement and have gone beyond what anyone could im
  • Katherine: I will look forward to it. This post reminds me that we need to talk more about our work around wage theft in South Florida--our coalition is led by i

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This site belongs to a queer, Indo-Fijian immigrant, post-graduate student now headed for law school. It is part of a growing network of pro-migrant voices online that seek to counter the hatred and ignorance spewed by hate groups and promote meaningful immigration reform. Beyond that, you will also find discussions about political economy, post-colonialism, neo-liberalism, subaltern studies, queer theory (and the l word) topped by an occasional rant about the order of things. Do leave comments whenever you can.

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