Till We Meet Again | A Bette-Tina Beginning Chapter 24

Peabody Mansion, Sunday Morning

“You better have some really good news for disturbing me this morning,” Helena said as she withdrew her hand from her yoga pants and answered her private mobile in the entertainment room. Her eyes were glazed over with passion and lust as she continued watching a slide projector flick images of Alice on the overhead screen.

“Ms. Peabody, hear me out. We followed the target out of their home last night with the intention of finishing the job but we captured some images that would be of far more interest to you we believe.”

“What would Porter be doing that would be of possible interest to me besides her valuable art? I want her dead, I need her dead, NO EXCUSES. What do I pay you morons for?” Helena fumed into the phone.

“Please Ms. Peabody, just take a look at the images in your email. If you are not satisfied, we will certainly finish the job ASAP.”

“Fine,” Helena rolled her eyes. “Let me take a look and call you back to fire you,” she said hanging up the phone.

She reached for her laptop and opened up her email, looking for the one sent by her paid goon. Catching sight of it, she clicked on the attachments, not expecting anything profound or innovative. Her mouth dropped open and eyes glazed over at the sight before her.

It was a clear image of Bette intimately kissing a beautiful blonde woman; a woman who was clearly not Alice Pieszecki. She quickly looked through the other pictures, finding different shots of the two in compromising positions with each other. The date stamp on the photographs indicated that they were taken yesterday.

Closing her laptop and drumming her fingers on it, she sneered with an evil gleam in her eyes, contemplating her next move.

Friday evening before Opera – Bette and Tina, Marriott Marquis

Tina pulled into the big parking lot at the Marriott Marquis in Downtown Manhattan and parked the car, getting out and inspecting her beautiful black evening dress. “Lets do something really special for them here tomorrow night.”

Bette groaned as she got out of the car. “I have an idea. Lets just divorce them. That would be quite special.”

“Bette!” Tina said, chuckling in protest.

Bette finally noticed that they were at the Marriott and gave Tina a look of utter amazement border-lining on excitement. “Geez T, I guess we are really going from the bed, bath to the BEYOND now, huh?”

“Shutup Bette. I called and made reservations for all of us here for tomorrow but needed to come check on a few things in person,” Tina said, walking ahead of Bette.

“All four of us in a suite? Group orgy?” Bette scrunched up her face in disgust. “I might be gung-ho if it was all women.”

Tina turned and eyed Bette with exasperation. “Bette—Get your mind out of the gutter. I made reservations for dinner at The View Restaurant here tomorrow night. Just remember to bring Alice here and make it a memorable night for her by being on your best behavior.”

“Since we are already here, and you look devastatingly beautiful for once, why not do something special for ourselves?” Bette replied, smoothing her white suit as she caught up with Tina.

Tina blushed and then frowned, deep in thought. “I am not sure whether that was a compliment or a put down.”

“Things are not mutually exclusive when it comes to me,” Bette said, looking as smug as Garfield, walking with its head up about to fall down a hole, as she entered the building.

“I realize that—you are so smart and yet so retarded.” Tina winked at Bette who shot her a murderous look.

“Did you know that this is the only revolving rooftop restaurant in all of New York City?” Tina said, linking her arm around Bette’s and dragging her into the elevator, pressing the button for the top-most floor.

“Talk about bringing me to dizzy heights,” Bette muttered.

“What did you say?”

“Nothing, just that I know that they have a huge fitness facility over-looking all of Manhattan. Hey, you should come with me to the gym sometimes after school.”

“You want ME to come to the gym with you? Where most sweaty people don’t even bother to use anti-bacterial disinfectants or towel down the equipment when they are done and some spew toxic noxious fumes through their sweat glands?”

“Don’t make yourself sick now…” Bette grinned at Tina who had almost turned green. “We really need to get your OCD under…” she broke off and stared at Tina in realization.  “Oh god, please don’t tell me we are here to inspect their kitchen, utensils or food preparation techniques. Tina!” Bette groaned

“No, we just need to make sure that we are well-positioned, situated, and that Alice and Eric would not run into each other,” Tina smirked and dug an elbow into her ribs.

“Are you drawing up a seating chart for the entire restaurant?” Bette asked dryly as the doors opened and Bette and Tina stepped into the lounge of The View and approached the boring yet pleasant assistant at the desk.

After much bickering and compromising, they confirmed seats at opposite ends of the restaurant but ends from where Tina could see Bette and Bette could keep an eye on Tina.

Saturday Evening – Dinner at The View

Tina had certainly picked out a top of the range restaurant for their romantic dinner anniversary. With a 360-panaromic view of Manhattan, eclectic décor, the beautiful arcs of round tables seen revolving in the plate-glass windows after sunset, the four-tiered buffet displays in the center, topped with oysters and caviar, lobsters and an excellent selection of wine, one could hardly go wrong.

However, creating her carefully-planned recipe for romance was turning out into a recipe for disaster, if not death by boredom. Tina found herself drifting in and out of the conversation as Eric blabbered on about his upcoming projects. She had lost her appetite along the way, smiled politely, nodded to show that she was listening, gave one-word answers, and sipped her wine to clear the ensuing headache, which just made matters worse. More often than necessary, Tina shot longing glances at Bette across the room, who met her eyes with equal yearning. No, they were definitely not hungry for food or craving the music that only drew them towards each other, blending perfectly with their rhythm.

I’m not the sort of person who falls in and quickly out of love
But to you, I give my affection, right from the start.
I have a lover who loves me – how could I break such a heart?
Yet still you get my attention.

Right from the start

Their eyes met constantly and both tried to avoid this but neither could resist the connection between them. Overwhelming desire, wanton need and attraction, and sharp jolts of electricity coursed through their veins each time they feasted on each other across the room, the heat springing back and forth as they succumbed to one another, drawing closer and closer to the inevitable.

Bette had a headache of her own to match Tina for set and game. She was thinking and counting down in tennis metaphors by now, having to endure Alice who chattered excitedly about her latest assignment on Dana Fairbanks. She was not even jealous about the heaps of praise Alice was lavishing on this Fairbanks person. Instead of making any caustic remarks, Bette heeded Tina’s advice and was polite and attentive enough to Alice who in turn. was pleasantly surprised and encouraged, so she continued down the route. (Talk about cyclical logic)

‘I am going to stay clear of faults and ace this dinner.’ Bette sighed inwardly as Tina rolled her eyes across the room in a conversation that only their souls were privy to:  their sovereign Love.

While she was excited about going to surprise her sister and friends, Bette felt a sense of loss at being away from Tina, even for a few days. She stared out the glass windows in serious contemplation half listening to Alice, only to realize that a pair of hazel eyes that she loved so much was gazing at her. Tina smiled encouragingly into the glass window as Bette met her gaze, and her heart fluttered and insides melted as Bette turned and flashed her a loving smile, one that was reserved only for her.

Why do you come here
And pretend to be just passing by
Well I need to see you
And I need to hold you
Tightly…………Baby
Love

(Joan Armatrading, The Weakness in Me)

Bette raised her wine glass to Tina, making a silent toast that Tina understood all too well as she raised her own glass to her lips. For both of them, the crystals chimed even without contact.

Saturday Night – Bette and Alice at Home

Bette shut the door behind her, glad to be done with the nightmare dinner. She eased out of her black suit jacket and felt a pair of arms close around her waist. Alice kissed her shoulder, leaned against her body, sighing contently.

“Thanks you Bette. This was the best anniversary ever,” she murmured softly in her ear.

“Yeah, it was fantastic,” Bette muttered dryly as she moved out of her grasp, feeling slightly uncomfortable with their close proximity.

Alice smiled, not interpreting Bette’s behavior as anything odd, and started taking off her earrings, heading upstairs to change into something lighter and get their luggage for the airport since the flight was in less than 2 hours.

“By the way, I needed to tell you something…” she turned around, mid-way up the stairs to face Bette.

“Yeah…” Bette said, absent-mindedly.

“Helena offered me a promotion… She wants me to shift to London…” Alice started uncertainly.

Bette cringed as she heard Helena’s name. She had taken an immediate dislike to Helena and the few times they had met at social functions and at their home, Bette felt uneasy around her. Helena seemed nice and courteous enough though, and took a great deal of interest in Bette’s art—buying some pieces now and then. Bette did not know why an heiress and the future owner of the Peabody collection would want anything to do with her art, but she had perceived that Helena was trying to do Alice a favor and make Bette appear even smaller in the process.

“…It means a better position, higher salary, bigger house, more fringe benefits, basically the works. And this morning I decided that…”

“That you are shifting to London,” Bette turned around and interrupted before Alice could finish her sentence, assuming the worst.

“Wow Al, and of course you need not ask my opinion on this matter, right? After all who am I? I am just your partner, your wife right?” Bette paced around, getting angrier at Alice.

Alice stood frozen on the spot, startled as Bette continued, pouring out her own unique recipe of self-loathing mixed with bitterness and guilt.

“After all, what status do I have? I am only in your life to sit, watch and sing praises of your success at your feet. Ma’am,” she bowed and then clapped her hands, approaching the bottom of staircase to stare at Alice in disgust.

“This one decision, one decision, could change our lives forever, but of course you couldn’t be bothered to think about that because Alice Pieszecki only thinks about herself. About her rocking career, her job promotions, her own happiness, DAMNIT! It’s always about YOU, YOU and YOU!”

Alice had had enough of her nonsense. “NO goddamnit,” she climbed down the stairs approaching Bette. “It is about YOU, YOU and ONLY YOU, Bette!”

“I was about to tell you that I REFUSED the promotion after thinking about you, about your career, about our family. I accepted going to Los Angeles instead, with YOU! But of course, YOU DON’T LISTEN! YOU NEVER LISTEN, YOU JUST ASSUME!” she yelled in Bette’s face.

“If you refused the promotion based in London, why did you even need to tell me? Are you trying to make me feel bad or inferior?” Bette said with an unnerving calm anger, stepping up into her face as well.

“I wasn’t Bette. I was simply trying to tell you what has been going on in my life and share what is in my heart,” Alice said, almost breaking down now.

“Heart? You have a heart for anything besides your damn career Alice? Do you ever have time for me, for our family? Do you ever bother to ask me about my job, my career, what I am doing at any given moment?” Bette said, turning around and walking off into the living room to sit down as she felt pain shoot up her knee.

Alice followed, close on her heels. “You are right Bette. I have never really had the time because I have worked really hard to provide us both with a lavish, luxurious lifestyle, a lifestyle that a failed artist and part-time college lecturer could not afford,” Alice said, stabbing Bette with her words, who stood listening to her, mouth agape.

Alice did not stop there; she was on a roll. “How do feel when confronted with the truth Bette? It hurts, doesn’t it? You have not given me anything but pain and now you know how it feels,” Alice said, her eyes brimming full of unshed tears and long subdued anger.

Bette stared at her with regret and guilt overshadowing all other emotions.

“I always thought that you can only hurt the ones that you truly love. Unfortunately, I was wrong,” Alice gazed at Bette, the tears finally rolling down her cheeks. “You don’t even love me Bette,” her voice broke, wavering slightly as she continued. “You don’t love anyone Bette—you CANNOT love anyone since you hate yourself, you hate your life, you hate your failure.”

I wish you were completely correct Alice…Bette smirked sadly, her eyes filling up with tears as she looked away from Alice and turned her back to her completely. I wish I hated everyone…It would hurt less than loving T more than life. A love that is also doomed for failure. Yes, I hate that I am a failure… I hate who I have become … I do hate myself, only because I cannot love you like I love Tina.

“And to this day, I have not understood what you hate more, what makes you more angry and bitter: your failures or my success,” Alice declared from behind her.

Bette swallowed the lump in her throat and the tears threatening to break out. She turned around, her eyes melancholy and desolate, her shoulders slumped in defeat.

“Yes Alice, you are right. You are absolutely right. I am a failure,” Bette admitted, her voice soft and almost inaudible. “But do you know that there is something in this house that is a much bigger failure than me?”

“Our relationship…Our marriage, Alice,” Bette confirmed as Alice gazed back up at her with fresh tears in her eyes ready to fall out.

“Thank you Alice…Thank you for letting me stay in your house. Have a great trip to LA.” And with last statement, Bette limped past Alice, put on her coat, and left the house, slamming the door shut behind her.

Saturday Night – Tina at Home with Eric

The drizzling gave way to a storm, it was pouring outside. “No, NO; it doesn’t have to be like this,” Tina thought to herself as she tried to force her body to like him, to like what he was doing to her. She lay there unresponsive, with a myriad of confusing thoughts swarming through her head. Tina thought about how easily she responded to Bette—how just one look, one touch, one smile from Bette could make her feel so alive. How, when their bodies pressed together, every atom of her being would respond instantly like a runway freight train. And right now, her mind fought the urge to cry, her body fought the urge to lash-out and recoil from his touch.

Eric finally sensed something was wrong. He lifted his head and looked at Tina questioningly, who just stared back at him in confusion as well. Frustrated, angry and disappointed, Eric rolled over on his side of the bed, combing his hands through his hair, trying to get his own arousal under control. He threw off the covers, grabbed his clothes and got out of bed, exiting the room, as Tina looked on, biting her lip and running her fingers through her hair as she contemplated her next move. Finally, she got out of bed, putting on her silky black night-robe and went looking for Eric.

She found him standing in the living room in the dark, with his arms folded, staring outside the window in stubborn anger.

“Why are you getting so frustrated Eric? I am sorry, I am just not in the mood for sex tonight, please try and understand, it’s just one night. Come back to bed and stop behaving like a child…”

Something inside Eric snapped as she uttered her last few words. “JUST SHUTUP! SHUT-UP!” he screamed as he turned around, looking at her furiously. “I have had ENOUGH. JUST ENOUGH! You keep calling me a child, over and over again. Anytime I have a complaint, I am a child. Anytime, you have to reprimand me to conceal your own damned flaws, I am a child. Anytime I choose to over-see your mistakes by focusing on the positive aspects of our relationship, I am a child. And I have had ENOUGH of this.”

Tina stood silently, gaping at Eric in shock—She had never seen him this angry, he had never yelled at her before. “What’s the problem Eric?” she asked softly, concerned.

“Tina, do you remember the last time we came close to one another?” Eric stepped closer menacingly. “Can you remember the last time we touched each other, held hands, hugged even, ANYTHING Tina? Can you remember the last time we did not just get into bed to sleep but actually sleep WITH each other?”

She looked away, consumed with guilt and emptiness. “I don’t recall anything,” she said definitively.

“Don’t recall or don’t WANT to recall Tina?” Eric pointed out.

“I don’t want to discuss this,” Tina turned around to go to bed as Eric grabbed her arm, stopping her and swinging her towards him again.

“WHY? You LIKE having discussions Tina, don’t you? So c’mon, come on, lets discuss why, WHY my wife doesn’t want to sleep with me,” he grabbed her shoulders, shaking her slightly as her got angrier.

Tina shrugged him off. “We cannot build our relationship just by sleeping with each other Eric. For that to happen, we have to accept each other fully and that means understanding what gives us pain, what makes us happy, our strengths and weaknesses, and even accepting our flaws. And when was the last time we did that? A healthy, happily married couple don’t just share a bed Eric, they share in each other’s lives as well,” she quipped, the last line coming out of one of her pop-culture ‘How to Make Your Marriage Work’ books.

That was an unfair statement and she knew it even before he bellowed angrily. “WHAT? HOW DARE YOU? Do I seem like the type of husband who only needs his wife in the bedroom?! How dare you Tina?!”

“To completely accept each other for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, we have to accept each other FIRST. And YOU Tina, YOU…” he pointed at her shaking with both pain and anger, “…have never accepted me. You keep repeating that I am a child and I am tired of hearing that. If I was indeed a child Tina, I would have shattered a long time ago. But since I am still putting up with this, I am definitely a MAN.”

“I have heard enough,” Tina said angrily, turning around and walking away from Eric again.

He walked quickly after her, grabbing her by her arm again, pulling her towards him and holding tight even as she struggled.

“NO, Tina, not everything can be on your terms. Tonight you cannot just run away from these discussions that you love so much. Tonight, you have to tell me everything and be completely honest. Tell me why you married me, Tina. Tell me,” he asked desperately, shaking her shoulders again.

“I married you because I love you, but why did you marry me Tina? WHY did you marry me? TELL ME. WHY TINA?” He continued, shouting angrily and gripping her more tightly.

Bette. That was all Tina could think about at the moment as Eric pushed her closer to her breaking point. “Eric, please, just leave me,” Tina cried out in pain, protesting as his fingers dug into her flesh. “You are hurting me…please Eric….ERIC!” Tina yelled and he finally let her go stepping back to regard her sadly and silently.

A great deal of tension filled the air and it was not the sexual tension that Tina was so used to with Bette by now. It was an angry tension, the silence in the eye of the hurricane about to hit stronger than before. Eerily, it had also quieted down outside with the rain settling down to a light drizzle.

“The truth Tina, the truth is that you never married me,” Eric said as he gazed sadly at her, tears rolling down both their cheeks. “You didn’t marry me, did you? You made a compromise. I am the biggest compromise of your life; a compromise that you regret every day of your life, right?” Eric stated, hitting the ball out of the park, as Tina just stood there crying silently, struggling within herself to come up with an answer that could appease them both.

“Give me an answer Tina.” He asked quietly approaching her slowly again. “Forget about an answer. You have nothing to give,” his voice going up several octaves with each realization. “Not love…Not affection…Not happiness…YOU haven’t even been able to give me a child!”

He might as well have stabbed Tina straight in the heart. She gasped in shock and disbelief first, and then the floodgates of tears opened as the pain shot through her, piercing her heart.

“And Tina, I have NEVER made you feel inadequate about that, NEVER!” he stated conclusively, turning his back on her as she sobbed silently and then smiled sadly in reflection, a quality she had innately learned from Bette over time.

“You just did Eric,” she spoke softly, her expression grief-stricken, voice wavering. “You just did.”

He turned around with regret in his eyes, wanting to take back what he had just said, but he was at a loss of words as he saw the pain in her eyes, fully realizing the extent of it, maybe for the very first time. Before he could say anything, Tina turned around and walked away from him. This time he did not try to stop her as she opened the closet, took out her black coat and slammed the door shut behind her.

Late Friday Night after the Opera, Bette and Tina

“Thanks for the wonderful night out, T,” Bette said as Tina pulled up to her house. She gazed adoringly at Tina, still amazed at the depth of her feelings for Tina, feelings that had existed for so long, feelings that threatened to throw her life into a whirlpool of perpetual chaos. She always wanted control in her life, some semblance of organization, but Tina had completely thrown her off-balance, (literally and figuratively). There was no controlling Tina—she had shown herself to be unpredictable and fluid especially tonight, ethereal and magical, and untouchable because she belonged to another, which made her more desirable—the forbidden fruit that Bette desperately wanted but her own moral restraint and non-Al‘Eve’ held her back.

“Thanks for being such wonderful company,” Tina replied softly, breaking her out of her thoughts. “Quite unusual of you, really. Keep this up and you may just lose your reputation of being a cold-hearted, angry bitch,” she chuckled.

“Pssst…Why would I want to do that? It keeps all the chicks in heat for me.”

The only one I want ‘in heat’ is you …

Tina raised her eyebrows. “Riiiight, I am sure all the women are as hot for you as Antarctica,” she shivered mockingly as Bette pouted in response.

You have no idea Bette … you could easily provide enough heat to melt Antarctica …We need some sort of global warming emissions control on your hotness. Tina frowned at the thought.

“I would ask you in, but it is really late and well, actually I have something for you,” Bette said as she misunderstood the frown and got out of the vehicle.

“You have something for me? Just so you know, I don’t want your dirty underwear Bette,” Tina grinned.

I can probably auction it off for millions on Ebay but I would keep it …

Bette leaned down peering at Tina through the rolled down car window, shaking her head. “You have been spending way too much time with me. Wait here.”

I know you don’t want me Tina, you don’t have to stab me with the truth at every turn …

She limped to the front door as Tina watched on. “Would clean underwear do? I am sure you need some since yours are probably wet…” she called out before grinning like a Cheshire cat and disappearing into her house where she headed for the studio.

If only you were …

“It took you that long to come up with a reply?!” Tina called out after Bette. The entire neighborhood must have heard that, she thought, blushing at the truth in Bette’s words.

Wet for Bette is right …

She drummed her fingers on the steering wheel, rewinding and reviewing the memorable evening starting with the gripping and emotional tragedy of the opera and later, dancing so close to Bette in the rain. It had certainly, by far, been the best date of her life.

“Date?” she choked out in sudden realization.

“February 22, 2008,” Bette replied and chuckled as Tina looked at her startled for a moment by her sudden appearance.

She handed her a package through the window suddenly feeling shy. A blush warmed her face and Bette stared at her shoes as Tina looked up at her questioningly. “I want you to open this before you go,” she said softly, still not able to look at Tina, afraid that her eyes would reveal her true emotions.

“Bette, you really shouldn’t have…” she started to say as she slid her finger into the seam of the wrapping paper and pulled out a framed painting. She stared at it for a long moment with Bette watching on anxiously. Two delicate tears trickled down her cheeks and she chocked up for words. “Bette…It’s beautiful…You…I cannot…” Tina looked up at Bette through her tear-filled eyes, left the painting on the seat, got out of her car, walking quickly around it to envelope Bette in a tight hug.

“Thank you,” she whispered, as she held on to Bette tightly, breaking down in her arms. Bette savored the feel of Tina in her arms, comforting her with sweet words and gentle caresses.

Sure, it was yet another painting of Tina that portrayed her in the most beautiful way, with deep soulful eyes, her face radiating happiness. But that was not what captured her attention, made her stare in wonder and cry.

The left side of the painting read, “Miracles happen to those that believe.” And underneath those words was the most perfect illustration—a baby girl that bore a striking resemblance to a junior Tina.

“Thank you so much,” Tina repeatedly whispered into her shoulder, still clinging to her.

Bette pulled back and stared into her eyes sincerely. “I still hope you change your mind and let me do this for you,” she said, wiping the tear-streaked cheeks with her thumb and kissing her forehead

Tina searched her eyes, finding no fear, doubt or confusion in them. “I…you are simply amazing.”

Bette smirked. “Tell me something I don’t know.” Tell me that you love me as much as I love you …

She was about to fire some less known movie trivia at Bette but stopped short as her heart skipped several beats.  She thought she heard Bette say ‘I love you’ but she was not sure. Confusion combined with exhilaration shot through Tina. “I’ll let you know,” she looked up unsurely at Bette. I will…

Bette nodded in recognition, almost. She took a couple of steps back from Tina. “Anyway T, I must let you go and face the music inside as well,” she chuckled sadly. “Have a good night and drive safely!” she turned around to go but stopped as Tina called from behind her.

“Bette…” It was the softest of whispers that the wind carried to her ears.

She stilled but did not turn to look at Tina. She had to walk away, let her go and never look back. She would not have the strength otherwise, to do the honorable deed, to take on the unbearable pain.

Close my eyes I picture you inside
Its like a memory, a curse that I cant deny
Days are vague and I can’t explain
Trying to hold on to your gift of pain
Its like a deja vu coming all around
Trying to break me trying to bring me down
See im too strong to face any of this
I’m walking away from you God forsaken bliss

(EP – Hamesha)

“Turn around…” she recognized those words—Words that had preceded an event which shook her to the core. She closed her eyes, took several deep breathes, trying to calm down and control herself, putting up walls and barriers before turning around to face her love.

“I cannot let you walk away just like that Bette. You still haven’t told me,” Tina said, folding her arms and gazing at Bette.

“Uh…what? What haven’t I told you?” Bette asked flustered, confused and scared that Tina knew how she felt about her. Oh fuck…

“You haven’t told me who you saw at the Opera after you closed your eyes. Who did you see Bette?” Tina prodded softly.

Bette relaxed considerably and raised an eyebrow. “How can you be so sure that I saw anyone or anything?” Her heart skipped several beats as Tina held her gaze, approached her slowly, challenging her to say otherwise.

I am seeing her now … I see her all the time and I don’t need to close my eyes for that.

“Because for someone who loves to hear herself talk, Bette Porter has been awfully quiet and thoughtful tonight,” Tina broke out into a smile as Bette lowered her head and let out a deep-throated fake-sounding laugh before getting serious again.

“Come on Bette, you can tell me. I won’t tell anyone, and especially not Alice,” she nudged her.

Bette smiled, blew out a lungful of air, biting her lip down so that the pain would be felt anywhere else but in her heart. No I can’t.

“You are right. I saw her T. I saw her and thought that maybe this is what they call love—you know the type that you are always talking about. The type of love that only exists in good books and bad movies—fairytale romances,” Bette sighed, taking in a deep breathe. “It was magical T, absolutely magical.”

Bette stepped closer, her heart pounding so fast that she could hardly hear herself. “I wanted to reach out and touch her, to take her into my arms and never let go—she was so close, so very close and yet so far away.” She put her hands on Tina’s shoulders, caressing them down to her bare arms and then back up again. Tina listened, gripped and fascinated, rooted to the spot under her spell.

“She was like an angel T. Her eyes had the same purity and innocence that I can see in your eyes right now. Her voice had the same celestial spell-binding melody that is in your voice. I can still feel her riveting beauty, the warmth and breathe of fresh air that she radiated,” Bette spoke slowly and softly, gazing lovingly into her eyes.

“Who…who is she?” Tina managed to stammer, breathless with anticipation, her mouth dry and nerves tingling at Bette’s close proximity.

Bette closed the distance between them, pressing her lips to Tina’s ear, who closed her eyes and shivered at the contact. Her reaction did not go unnoticed by Bette.

“Nadia…” she whispered, grinning from ear-to-ear.

Her eyes flew open at the name, face registered shock, and Tina stood there stunned into silence as Bette stepped back, almost tripping, laughing hard at her own joke but laughing harder at the farce that was her life. Tears of pain sprung from her eyes that she could easily disguise as tears of laughter.

Tina still had no words—she knew Bette was pulling her leg but for once, she did not find it funny, she could not laugh along with her. Without knowing why, her heart was breaking and she just wanted to run as far as she could in the opposite direction from Bette, to lock herself away from the world and scream in pain, frustration and anger.

Bette stopped laughing as she saw the somber expression on Tina’s face. “T, I am only kidding—surely you know that?” she clarified, trying to crack a genuine-looking smile.

“Yeah…” Tina nodded and waved her hand dismissively. “Listen, I am gonna go now. Got a lot to do for tomorrow.” She avoided looking at Bette and walked back to her car, a bit unsteadily, and got into the driver’s seat trying to calm down and get the wild pulsating of her heart under control. Bette looked on, perplexed by her behavior.

Tina finally found the courage to look up at Bette briefly when she started the car engine. “Thanks for the painting. I’m sorry I didn’t get you a gift,” she blushed, feeling inadequate. “It completely slipped my mind…I’ll see you tomorrow night?” she peered at Bette through the car window, raising her eyebrow questioningly.

Bette checked her wrist-watch. It was 12:01 a.m. “Tonight,” she smiled at Tina. “Happy Anniversary T,” her eyes brimmed with unshed tears and she turned around, walking away from Tina, not waiting to hear her response. Dizzy, exhausted and heartbroken, her footsteps felt heavy as if she had lead weights in her shoes but she trudged along, crossing the barrier into the home she shared with Alice.

this is how the story goes ,in and out
one minute u’re there, the next time runs out
its a figure of speech as a matter of fact
did u ever really think about the time you had
its the grain that falls, every second that crawls
to the minute to the hour till infinity recalls
its a barricade of twigs thats really never there
did u ever really think that time even cares

(EP – waqt)

Tina sat in her car, engine running and staring at Bette’s retreating figure, with a strange sense of déjà vu. She wanted to reach out to Bette, call her name, stop her from walking away again, disappearing from her sight, from her life once more. She felt a staggering sense of loss, her heart seemed to sink to the pit of her stomach.

Inside, Bette leaned against the door frame, separated from the outside world, from her Tina by the thin barrier, and finally wept silent tears of pain, grief and anguish. With her head reeling, she staggered into her studio turning on the overhead lights. She wiped her tear-stricken face with the back of her long sleeve, and paying no heed to her attire which was ill-suited for painting, Bette set up a new canvas and went to work feverishly.

Tonight, she felt like an Aeschylusian hero—the protagonist of a Greek tragedy who is confronted with a situation that paralyzes her and forces her to suspend all prior behaviors and beliefs. She had to re-examine her deepest motives, choose a course of action from only two options, all with grave consequences for the people involved. Bette could walk away from Tina and give her marriage another shot or she could selfishly pursue her own wants and choose to leave Alice. She was sure to undergo self-induced torture in both circumstances—in the former, the pain of not having Tina in her life and in the latter, the pain, guilt and shame of hurting Alice, Kit, Eric and even Tina if her affections were not returned in kind.

She worked diligently, sketching her inner conflict onto the canvas. It would become the starting point for a post-surrealist modern art piece of several panels, characters merging and blending in ways that would one day be defined as ‘Bettesque’; it depicted tragedy without being nightmarish, pain and grief without resorting to grotesque figures and gestures, and an everlasting love expressed through intense arresting colors.

2am, Saturday morning, Eric and Tina’s Home

In another part of Manhattan, Tina paced the living room in her scantily clad dark silky night-robe, unable to sleep. She came to a stop on the wall that contained the painting Bette had gifted her, studying it. She had already put it up on three different walls, and each time, did not agree with the placement, moving it once again. Something seemed wrong, out of place each time. Tina did not know why she was looking so closely, why she was trying so hard to make it fit as part of their furniture, to blend into their home, to be a part of their everyday lives. Maybe it was her OCD, she shrugged and continued to look intently at the piece, almost assimilating with it. She wanted it to come alive, become a reality, turn into living tissue before her eyes. For now, it would remain a dream…a dream deferred.

She sighed in defeat, walked to the kitchen counter and flipped open her cellphone. It was 2am, a bit too late to call Bette if she was to follow etiquette and acceptable social norms. This was why the Nextgen loved SMS, she smirked, typing a quick text to Bette, which read, “B I need help wit placing this painting. Oh n Happy Anniversary 2 u 2. Luv, T.”

Saturday Midnight – Bette and Tina Grand Station

With the pad of her left thumb, she caressed her bottom lip tenderly, slowly moving her fingers up to outline her upper lip. Bette closed her eyes, tears spilling down her cheeks, catching her breathe as she felt Tina’s feather-light hand on her lips, her other hand brushing the tears and then her curls back from her face.

Tina’s gaze was locked on those exquisite lips, now swollen, that had shaken her to the core with a wild fierce unreasoning passion just moments ago. She stared at them in a new light, wanting and needing to take the moist quivering lips into her mouth and quench her thirst.

“T…”

The whisper was inaudible, but the walls seemed to pick up the beat, carrying the melody to her ears, translating it into the bass rhythm pounding in her chest.

Bette trembled under her touch and passionate gaze, laying soft kisses on the pads of her fingers as her own hands caressed Tina’s back through her nightgown, pulling her closer and tighter, molding their bodies together again, wrapping her own coat around her.

Tina shivered as she heard Bette whisper her name, goosebumps dancing across her flesh. Lusty deep brown eyes met smoky hazel ones in a union so loving, so sincere, so worshipping, that Tina once again felt the urge to burst into tears. And she did too, but for a different reason.

She gasped, her hand coming up to cover her own mouth, as she froze and chocked up with a sudden swell of emotion, a realization of who she was and what she was doing hitting her at the speed of a meteor pummeling down on earth. She stared in shock at her wedding ring, the physical manifestation of her marriage staring at her in the face, taunting her, serving as a stark reminder that she belonged to another, that what she was doing was wrong. She broke away then, stumbling backwards, away from the loving warmth of Bette’s embrace, breaking out of the enchanting spell, realizing they were in the middle of the city as it slept, outside the train station where they usually met.

Bette watched reeling, confused, heart-broken but accepting. The tower clock struck midnight and she knew this was the only night, the only kiss that she would possibly ever get with the love of her life. In a few moments, her short tryst with a lifetime of riches would give way to reality: a lifetime of wretchedness. She knelt down, grimacing, and picked up Tina’s coat from the ground, handing it to her, keeping her distance.

Tina took the coat with shaky hands, wrapping it around her tightly. She turned around to look at Bette, tears streaming down her face, her heart wanting to run to Bette, her soul yearning to be in her arms. Yet her mind told her to run in the opposite direction, to get as far away from Bette as possible. She turned and did just that, fleeing from the scene, leaving Bette once more to stare at the various colors of the fountain, the colors raging and coursing inside her, the tears cascading down her cheeks.

here’s a little something that you really can think about
the time that got left and time that ran out
keepin in mind what i left behind
my sanity my soul brought down to a fine line
the pain the shame too late to quit this game
i can never change….
cuz i’m one of a kind
even if i wanted to i couldnt decide
cuz i never really had time on my side

2am Saturday morning, Bette at Home (continued)

Exhausted, Bette finally exited the studio a couple hours later, switching off the lights, put her purse and keys on the kitchen counter and staggered upstairs to her bedroom where Alice was sound asleep under the covers. She unbuttoned her shirt, shaking it off her shoulders and flinging it in a corner. Dressed in only a bra and her white pants from earlier in the evening, she approached the bed, unsure of her place in it, her place beside Alice.

She crept quietly under the covers and rolled to her side so she could watch Alice sleep. She reached out with an unsteady hand, wanting to touch her, to wake her up, to break down the wall between them, to apologize for hurting her, to beg forgiveness for not loving her anymore.

“I’m sorry…I’m so sorry…” Bette wept fresh tears into her pillow, trying to muffle her sobbing but it was too late as Alice had already come to feel her presence.

“Bette…” Alice mumbled, stirring up from her asleep. “You’re late…”

“Alice…” Bette cried harder, rolling over to snuggle against Alice. “I’m late…very late.” She agreed, crying fresh tears of remorse and guilt.

“Bette…What’s wrong?” Alice questioned, now fully awake, jolted out of her sleepy state with the realization that Bette was crying beside her, which was quite a rare sight.

“I’m sorry…please forgive me…please don’t leave me…” she begged, her voice breaking up, uneven.

Alice cradled her up in her arms then, stroking her hair and caressing her back.

“Shhh… I’m just glad that you are home… Come to LA with me.”

“I will…” Bette whispered, her heart breaking again with the knowledge that she may never find home. She finally fell asleep, exhausted from the emotional torment, but she found no relief even in her sleep; Tina was present, taunting and tormenting her even in her dreams.

Friday night at the Park Pavilion, Bette and Tina

Tina stood up, pulling Bette towards her gently and gracefully.

Her touch was mesmerizing. It almost threw Bette off-balance when she especially needed to keep her senses about her. Their eyes locked. They stood toe to toe before Bette curled her arm around her waist and drew her closer, against her.

Tina leaned on her shoulder, running her hands up and down her strong arms and back, caressing her hair every so often. Together, they started moving slowly in circles, swaying together cheek to cheek, savoring the moment.

One was the rhythm, the other the beat, and together they danced with increasing tempo back to back, then hip to hip, next thigh to thigh, back and forth their hands intertwined at some point, undulating to the rhythms of the forbidden dance.

Bette shook her head in a daze, feeling hotter than a raging inferno even as the rain beat down around them and Tina twirled around her, throwing the jacket up in the air, before Bette pulled her back against her.

“You know T…you are really wild…” she said breathlessly.

Tina smirked mischievously. “I thought you said I was the boring-teacher-type.” Tina brought their clasped hands up and pressed Bette’s palm down, covering it with her own. She tipped her head forward and down until her forehead was resting on Bette’s exposed collarbone.

Bette rubbed her cheek against her hair. She felt, rather than heard the small sound of want vibrating from Tina’s throat. Her own desire echoed it.

Bette shook her head again, wondering if she was imagining things.

“Eric is very lucky…”

“I wish I could say the same about Alice…” she teased affectionately, not missing a beat.

Bette narrowed her eyes, pretending to finish her sentence. “Eric is very lucky…” she reiterated, “that you are here with me learning how not to be boring,” her trademark grin was met with the familiar eye-roll.

They began to sway slowly again, pressed closely together. The dark silhouette of trees swayed along with them. The skies calmed down and clouds eventually cleared to reveal a clear starry night sky. Bette and Tina were too engrossed in the conversation between their hearts to take any note of the changing surroundings.

“Bette?”

“Hmm?”

“Why are the greatest lovers doomed to be apart? Why are they destined to not be together? Tristan and Isolde…They did not deserve that fate, they did nothing wrong.”

Her heart in a throat, Bette considered her question for a few seconds before replying.

“Maybe they are the greatest of lovers because they cannot be together, because their all-consuming love is not meant for this world. Maybe they had to die to achieve eternal unity…” her eyes watered up with unshed tears.

“But Bette…how can anyone throw away that kind of love? Their whole life lay open in front of them. They could have embraced a fabian tactic and faced every opposition,” she countered stubbornly.

“No T…the greatness and purity of their love lies in their separation and subsequent death. Besides, if they ever did get together, they would realize that great love doesn’t do the cooking, wash the dishes or pay the bills…” she chuckled sadly.

Tina stopped dancing and pulled back, looking at Bette intently. “What would you have done if you were Tristan?”

“Why can’t I be Isolde?” Bette frowned.

“Just answer the question. Would you sacrifice the woman you loved to fulfill your loyalty and obligation to someone else? Even if you knew she was going to be utterly miserable without you.”

“That certainly puts a new spin on things…,” she thought to herself. “I don’t know T…BUT I do know that I would be a better person for walking away, a better person for not pursuing her for my own selfish needs,” Bette used her hands to  rotate Tina by the hip, turning her around, and pulling her closer. Her thigh grazed the back of her leg.  She pushed back the hair from Tina’s right ear, whispering softly from behind, “Love is selfless T…To love someone, you don’t need to be with them or possess them. You can love from afar, and always try to be there for the person when she needs you, without any expectation of having the favor returned, without any conditions.”

Tina basked in the warm embrace, pulling Bette’s arms around her and intertwining their hands. Goosebumps erupted on her flesh as Bette whispered in her ear what sounded like a promise of a lifetime spent apart.

“I don’t agree. Love is self-assertive, not self-less. To love is to see myself in you, and for you to see yourself in me. And THAT is neither selfish nor self-less. That is a celebration, complete with a symphony.”

Bette turned her around and raised her eyebrow. “What pop-culture book is that new-age baloney from, if I may dare ask?”

Tina frowned, pretending to be deep thought. “The Psychology of Romantic Love: Romantic Love in an Anti-Romantic Age,” she chuckled as Bette groaned, burying her head in Tina’s shoulder.

“So you are telling me that if you were Tristan…,” Bette left the statement open for Tina to complete with her reply.

“…I would hold on to Isolde and never let go,” Tina replied definitively, her arms tightly wound around Bette.

1am Sunday morning, Eric and Tina’s House

She slammed the door behind her, her head spinning, heart thumping, body wrecked with arousal. She had absolutely no idea how she had made it back to the house. Tina shut her eyes, closed her ears, swaying back and forth on her feet as she crouched down low, trying to drown out the cacophony of confusing emotions rushing through her.

She bit the back of her hand, unwillingly reflecting back on what had happened less than an hour ago. Gingerly, she touched her swollen lips with the tips of her fingers, envisioning the kiss that threatened to wreck her life, but she yearned for more in spite of all logic and reason, in spite of the inevitable devastation that would follow if she embarked on this course.

“T…”

The beautiful voice was only in her head, but resonated through her entire body. It had slipped past her guard and branded itself on her heart. The terrible enchantment Bette had cast was wrapping her up, had wrapped her up in something she could not afford. She did not care whether she was straight, gay, bisexual or just Bette-sexual; It wasn’t an issue anymore. Her heart knew what it wanted, her soul knew where it belonged and gender had absolutely nothing to do with it.

She loved the flash of fire in her sharp, intense gaze that could send a burning ache through her, stirring up liquid heat.

The high cheekbones, well-defined strong jaw, cocoa-complexion and dark chocolate brown eyes that conveyed sensuality, allurement all rolled into one.

The taste of her. The texture of her skin. The way they fit so perfectly together. And she tasted every bit as good as she looked.

She squeezed her eyes tightly shut, trying to block the images threatening to wreck havoc into her life, to turn it upside-down and inside-out. Her face crimson red and flushed, Tina shook her head, consumed with guilt, and managed to get up gingerly, numbly walking into the living room where she had left Eric. She swallowed back the lump in her throat when she found him resting his head against the window, shoulders sagged in defeat.

Eric spun around when he heard her approach and rushed up to her.

“Goodness, Tina, where did you go in the middle of the night? I was so so worried. Thank God you are home…I’m sorry, I didn’t mean what I said…please forgive…”

She did not let him finish the sentence, grabbing his neck and pulling his head down to crush his lips to hers. Eric was taken completely by surprise and flailed his arms around at first, but then lost himself in the scorching kiss, pulling her tightly against him and kissing her back with equal ferocity. Her fierceness inspired him to gain more confidence; the way she pulled them hip to hip, grinding herself against him, how she was devouring his mouth with desperate need. Eric had never seen this wild, dominant side of Tina—It was all new to him.

Of course, it was not new to Tina—she continued kissing him passionately, trying to feel the way she had when Bette had kissed her, trying desperately to feel something, ANYTHING, for the man she was married to, her husband.

Her image still teased her. The lilting sound of her voice, smooth and loving, descended upon her. She shut her eyes and ears, but Bette was still present in her mind.

Those soft curls of her hair, sometimes straightened out, that Tina wanted to run her hands through more often than acceptable.

Her chocolate brown eyes—sometimes cold and hard and other times warm and gentle—whether they shimmered from anger or love, Tina was always willing to drown.

Those lips…Oh my God those lips…she loved them when they curled into a smile and even a smirk, but more than that, she wanted them all over her body stoking her desire.

Her lean muscular frame, and how she fitted so well into her when they came together.

She could make her angry when few others could get under her skin. Could soothe her with one touch, and arouse her with yet another.

Tina broke the kiss, laying her head on his shoulder, gasping for air while she broke down and cried. Shame. Guilt. Defeat. Sorrow.

It just didn’t compare; NOTHING would ever compare.

“Wow…we should fight more often,” Eric said, stroking her hair, trying to calm her down, thinking that she had gotten into this emotional state due to their fight earlier on.

Tina barely heard him, longing and aching for Bette with every fiber of her being and as she stared at the painting that Bette had gifted her, she was consumed with more self-loath and guilt, and with a realization of why the painting did not fit in their home.

Eric simply smiled tenderly, wiping her tears away, and kissing her forehead, just happy to have her back safe and sound.

“Take me to bed…” she whispered even as the knife sliced through her heart.

Eric raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Are…are you sure?”

She looked up at him with guilt and sorrow reflected in her eyes. She had just cheated on him less than an hour ago, and she was still cheating him—the guilt threatened to consume her, shame and self-hatred in tow. And yet, in that moment with Bette, she had never felt so alive, never felt like she belonged to another and that fact completely devastated her.

She did not answer him, silencing him with another kiss, a kiss meant for someone else.

An hour earlier…

Bette stood staring down through the glass windows at the changing colors of the fountain from inside the Grand Station. Her feet had carried her here after she had stormed out of the house following the argument with Alice. Now almost midnight, the station was almost deserted, with the last passengers milling out half an hour ago.

Her thoughts riveted back to Tina, back to their many conversations, the many layers and meanings of their relationship, the varying emotions it evoked inside her. The red for passion; the orange for the energy and excitement; yellow for the amusing mental plane, the intellectual challenge of their non-stop banter; the green for a natural harmony and growth together; the blue for inspiring loyalty, sincerity and devotion; indigo for the purity and holiness of their love, and finally, the purple for a transcendent idealism.

She heard familiar sounding footsteps; they matched the rhythm set by her heart-beat. She felt the hairs on her nape stir. “It couldn’t be…could it…” Bette turned around and took in the sight of Tina hugging her coat, walking furiously towards her, her blonde hair wild and open, her head bent down.

Tina had stumbled out of the house and taken to the streets, sometimes running, sometimes walking steadily, as far as she could from the source of her pain. Taxis and other vehicles whizzed by, the suburbs changed into city streets, the dark silhouette of trees now replaced by the vibrant lights reflecting off tall buildings and skyscrapers, but she did not notice, did not care. Like Bette, her feet had carried her naturally to the station, right to her destination. She stopped as she felt someone watching her, someone familiar. She looked up panting and breathless, and saw Bette staring at her intently, maybe a bit questionably.

Anger. Hurt. Frustration. Sadness.

They all spoke for her as she approached Bette.

“Four years ago you told me that everlasting romances don’t exist anymore…Do you remember Bette? Will you say the same now?” Fiery hazel eyes sort after evasive brown ones in the dim-light station.

Bette closed her eyes in pain, not having any reply for Tina.

Love. Longing. Passion. Desire.

“Four years ago you are the one who said that if I don’t look for love after marriage I won’t find it…,” she said her voice breaking. “What will you say now Bette, WHAT will you say now?”

Bette opened her eyes, staring at the high ceilings, avoiding Tina’s burning gaze, her piercing words serving as a painful constant reminder.

She grabbed her coat, shaking her. “Tell me Bette, tell me. You think you have the answer to everything, right? So tell me, what are you and I doing here, at a deserted train station in the middle of the night? What are we doing?”

“I don’t know… let me go…” Bette said trying to shrug Tina off, to stop her body from reacting to her presence.

“Answers Bette. I NEED answers to all these questions,” Tina insisted, the volume of her voice increasing, pounding off the walls, cornering Bette from all directions.

Bette wrestled free from her grasp, trying to walk past her, but Tina grasped her arm, pulling her back. “Where are you going Bette? Where are you running away to? TELL ME. I WANT TO KNOW! TELL ME,” she yelled.

Pain. Bitterness. Memory. Yearning.

Bette had had enough. She spun around, armed with an answer, THE answer.

“23 February 2004…We met for the first time Tina…I remember the EXACT time. 8:04 am. Since that moment, that day, that first meeting, I have felt like I have known you forever. Does that answer your question?” she asked, angrily as Tina gasped, stepping back, now as Bette stepped forward.

“Maybe not…Maybe this…Everyday your train leaves the station at 4:32…and mine at 4:21…and everyday I miss my train so that I can spend some more moments with you. Everyday I extend my office hours till you show up and cut down on time spent in the studio for the same goddamn reason. IS this the answer to your question Tina?”

She slowly cackled with disconcerting amusement, taking some steps forward, covering the distance between Tina and her, biting her lip down in pain and bitterness, her laugh echoing into the growing silence of the night.

“Bette…” her voice wavered, scared and unsure of the tension emanating from Bette, who was almost like a volcano ready to erupt.

“NO, Tina, you wanted answers. Here is another answer. Everyday that I leave you at the station, that you leave me at the gym, every time we part ways, somehow thoughts of you don’t leave along with you. When you are not in the room, my world comes to a stop. I think about you from the moment I wake up, to the moment I go to bed at night, and you even taunt me in my dreams. Does that answer your question Tina?” she stared intently, raging at Tina, who only took more steps back from a Bette that she had never seen this angry and out-of-control, this vocal and open.

“NO?” she grabbed Tina by the shoulders. “Then try this one. I am married, in a committed relationship with another woman and I think you sometimes forget that you are also married to a man, that you are straight, right? So WHAT are we doing here together in the middle of the night, when we have our own separate homes?” Bette challenged Tina, who was now crying, partly from fear, partly from confusion, but mostly from realization of what was coming.

Finally.

“Bingo, I think I have the answer you want Tina, I am the answer that you need. I love you Tina,” her hard and insistent words echoed through the stillness of the night, bouncing off the walls, resonating endlessly, reechoing deep down in their hearts

Tina could have pulled away. She could have scratched, bit, slapped and fought her way free from Bette. But she did not. The shock of Bette’s confession and something in her eyes, something wild and desperately unhappy kept her rooted to the spot even as Bette reached behind her neck and pulled her forward, crushing their mouths together.

In her dreams, their first kiss had been incredible, but in reality it was far more intense.

Far more satisfying.

Her mouth was hot, hard and possessive. A perfect fire blazed through them both, the heat striking the right chords. Bette arrogantly commanded with her tongue, coaxing Tina to open her mouth, caressing her lips, the homecoming skyrocketing her desire to unimaginable degrees. She was desperate to show Tina how much she loved her, needed her, wanted her. Only her. Tina moaned and whimpered, surrendering as Bette nibbled her lower lip, pulling it between her teeth, evoking a primordial instinct.

There was no way to push Bette way and Tina did not want to. Her strength was gone the instant their lips had met, her body melting with desire so intense that she shook with it, losing herself in the smoldering passion.

She wanted Bette with every breathe she took. The hunger rose up and out of nowhere to consume her, to drown out all protest, replace her common sense with need. She made one single sound of protest or maybe it was a plea for more—she really did not know which it was at the moment. All Tina knew was that she was born for this moment, born to mold her mouth and body with Bette’s and never let go. Sure, Bette was forbidden, and Tina was navigating the waters of dangerous uncharted territory without a map, but it did not matter. Nothing mattered but Bette and Tina, Tina and Bette. Tibette.

Time stood still as her head swirled and her heart raced. Unbridled ecstasy danced through her carrying Tina to dizzy heights and she met Bette half-way with unparalleled need and desire, tongue for tongue, stroke for stroke. Desire, anguish, longing drove Tina as her mouth hung to Bette’s and she shrugged off her coat and pressed herself fully against Bette in only her nightgown, who moaned at the contact. She pushed Bette back, pinning her against the glass window, devouring her mouth, and grinding into her. Their centers pressed together, she felt the first tentative ripples of her release from the contact.

Deep inside, Tina knew she had to stop this before it got out of hand, and she would soon…but first she needed to taste her Bette, just this once, just for a moment longer.  She had never felt so alive, more in-charge, so keenly in-tune with her senses and she wanted this to last.

Just one kiss to seal our love. Just one kiss to seal the heartbreak.
In this game only one gets hurt and that one is me.

The kiss went from aggressive, possessive and anguished to passionate, loving and hungry to tender, gentle and accepting. They were both shivering with desire, bound together in a maze of passion, hips moving and grinding in sync with one another, chords of exultant heat singing through their entire bodies with guttural sounds of satisfaction hanging in the air. They both broke the kiss only when they had to come up for air, gasping and breathless. It didn’t make a difference since they couldn’t breath anyway. Bette leaned her forehead against Tina, crying silently and the floodgates opened for Tina too.

“And you love me too…” she whispered softly, breaking the spell, the words echoing through the silent night once more.

“Tell me you don’t feel it,” she said placing her hand over Tina’s heart and taking Tina’s hand and putting it over her own heart. Their hearts were beating wildly, but in-sync with each other in a steady constant rhythm of three-words.

Furious and frantic, she lifted Tina’s chin up to study her face. Bette saw what she needed to see there—heavily lidded eyes full of passion, flushed skin, swollen full lips. “Tell me you don’t feel this connection between us. Tell me you don’t feel what we do to each other. Tell me that you don’t love me!” her voice broke and boomed, echoing in the silence of the night. She rested her cheek against Tina’s, their tears intermingling.

For the second time tonight, someone was prodding Tina for answers. Honest and hard answers. And for the second time tonight, Tina was scared of giving those honest and hard truths lurking in the dark corners of her mind and heart, scared of what they would mean for everyone.

“No, I don’t,” Tina replied weakly, yet clung to Bette still, unable to let go, unable to look into her eyes.

“I don’t…love you,” she whispered in anguish, tears spilling down her cheeks as she pressed her trembling lips to Bette’s again, sobbing uncontrollably, her shoulders shaking as she broke the kiss.  “I can’t love you, damnit!” she struck Bette’s shoulder with her fist, crying in defeat, then placing a kiss where she had hit her as Bette hugged her tightly, pressing sweet kisses on her forehead and hair.

Tina expressed her love in the best way she could without saying the words that Bette really wanted to, needed to hear. She took what she wanted, turning her mouth to her neck, tasting her skin, inhaling her scent. Daringly, her teeth nibbled on her chin, her fingers trailing her neck.

Bette caressed her tenderly in turn, her lips on her eyelids, her nose, her flushed cheeks, her trembling mouth, trying to bring about a vocal affirmation of her feelings. Bette desperately poured her feelings out to Tina, speaking with her eyes and the breathless sobs emanating from her body.

Tina looked up at Bette, finally meeting her eyes, and something broke inside her and gave way as she saw the desperate longing and need reflected back at her through those precious orbs, the need to be accepted, to be validated for just a second. This amazingly strong inspiring person who always seemed in control and on top of the world was pleading to HER for love. She gazed at Bette in amazement, realizing it was the first time she had cried in front of her, dared to appear so vulnerable and open—it made Tina feel strong that she had so much power over Bette. And her heart swelled with that realization, knowing that if it was indeed within her power, Bette Porter would never need to beg, plead or cry for anything.

The depth of her own feelings for Bette did not shock her. She knew she had been falling since their first meeting. But her loyalty, her moral sense of right and propriety, had allowed her to stay in denial of her feelings. Bette’s confession had broken through all her restraints, propelled her feelings forward. Words her soul had yearned to hear for ages were finally spoken tonight. Words her other half had yearned to hear from her would finally be heard tonight.

“Bette…”

“Is that…Is that my name?” she grinned, gasping for breathe. “Yeah?”

“I love you too.”

Just one kiss to seal the past. Just one kiss to seal the heartbreak.
In this game everyone gets hurt and no one is spared pain.

PREVIEWS FOR SECOND HALF

“Bette, are you ill?” Tina asked, concerned.

“What nonsense, Bette Porter doesn’t do ill. Achoooooo!”

“Bette!”

“Tchoooooo! Hey that was good, it almost sounded like tissue, damn, even my sneezes are smart.” Bette snifled.

“Where are you? Where is Alice?”

“Home. Al, gone to LAshoooooooo!”

“Stay there! I am coming.”

“Wow…”

“NO! Don’t even THINK about it.”

“Ok, but I was only going to ask you to spare the disinfectants and get some menthol eucalyptus drops, lotion tissue, the nice-tasting children’s cough mixture, some black market Vicodin…”

“I am NOT drug peddling for you. Why do you need vicodin? Are you in pain too?” she asked, her concern tripling.

“Yea, this blonde wounded my heart…”

“Bette…” Tina warned.

“Oh please Tina, get over yourself. I just want to be Dr. House’s pill-popping buddy. It’s my life ambition to emulate him, don’t you know already?”

**************************************************

“Bette, you cannot have your cake and eat it too.”

“I know that. But YOU are not worthy of her and there is no way that I will let you get anywhere close to her. Stay away from my wife!”

**************************************************

“It’s just my misfortune. I married a diva only to fall in love with a housemaid. The story of my life. TINA!”

**************************************************

“What the fuck were you thinking Bette? What if someone had caught us? Then what?”

“I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know? What do you want me to do? Do you really expect me to leave home, leave Eric, Dad, leave my family? And what then? Come and live with you? Will you be able to do the same?”

“No…I don’t know.”

“What DO you know?!”

**************************************************

“Leave Eric. You don’t love him. By staying with him, you are only making yourself miserable and keeping him from his true love.”

**************************************************

“Promise me…Promise me that you will live up to your potential. Promise me that I won’t have to go a day without hearing your name. Promise me that when I take him to a museum, any modern art museum, he will see your work and want to grow up to be just like you…”

“You want our son to be gay?”

**************************************************

“You are the world’s greatest artist and the greatest wife anyone could ever have. I love you so much,” Alice said, as she hugged Bette.

**************************************************

Tina cried, shaking her head, willing him to understand. “It’s over, Eric. It is completely and utterly over between Bette and me.”

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“Will you be the Best Man at my wedding?”

“No, I will be the second best woman though.”

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