Gasp! Your Janitor is Probably Smarter than You

And something is very wrong when this is true…

(Oh, wow that rhymes. Maybe I should try my hand at song-writing)

Saturday is a long drawn out janitorial day for this MA-educated, class-topping queer alien blogger. So how can you help make life easier for your poor janitor?

For starters, stop eating sunflower seeds at work or invest in peeled ones if you cannot get the small skins into the big trash can sitting beside your feet.

Why is it so hard to handle paper punch so that most of the punched holes do not end up all over the floor?

Please, not all your janitors are ‘no hablo ingles’ and I am ‘no hablo espanyol’ so maybe you can write the note to your janitor in 2 different languages i.e.’no basura’ or ‘not trash’

You want me to vacuum your floor? It would help if I could actually see the floor beneath those reams of paper, or move around in that little museum you call your office.

I am a janitor, not the roto-rooter, so do not expect me to unblock the passageways of the toilet. I may be fluid in a lot of ways but I don’t work with shit.

I swear I did not steal this janitorial contract from a fellow legal American; I am just more qualified to empty the trash, mop the floors and vacuum the carpets.

Don’t throw the half-full coffee cup into the trash so it can seep all over the trashcan. Empty it out in the sink instead. Same goes for any liquids.

The bathroom is NOT the place to sit and read the newspaper and neither is the bathroom floor the place to pile them up. Use the recycle bin.

Speaking of recycle, don’t bother putting the paper in the blue recycle bin and feeling all good about your little environmentalist act because if your worksite doesn’t have a recycling dumpster, it all gets emptied into the regular one.

Do you walk with your hands up the glass door at the building entrance? No? Then why are your paw marks left all over the glass door every night instead of the handle that you should use to close and open the door?

Since we are on the subject of leaving marks while walking, stop walking on the wet floor with your dirty shoes unless you want to help me clean up your mess again!

I don’t know about you but as long as there is dirt, I will have a job unless they figure out a way to outsource that too. Your disposable trash is my disposable income.

Thank you for the Easter candy on your desk and Happy Weekend.